Cup-ma-Cakes

So, I am sitting in a big computer lab at the University of Ottawa right now. Where I’m sitting in here allows anyone and everyone to see what I’m looking at on my screen. Aside from reading the news, best-of-craigslist, and an academic journal about potato farming in PEI, I’m reading a blog about cupcakes – very very nice cupcakes. I’m not embarrassed as I perhaps should be. I just really like cupcakes and am damn certain of my sexuality… I think.

It’s called 52 Cupcakes and it makes me want to quit life and just bake very cute, complex cupcakes. Look at it! It’s a hamburger cupcake… brilliant! Alex Willets, if you’re reading this, this one’s for you!

I plan on learning the art of cupcakes for an upcoming episode. Perhaps we’ll have a cupcake-off? Dave, I challenge you to a battle of who can make a cupcake look more like the blue steel face from Zoolander. Tonight: you’re goin down.

Cucinare a solo!

We’ve all faced the situation where we actually cook alone from time to time. I know, it’s hard to believe that even happens to me, clearly with all the women in my life. But when that far off occasion warrants a visit, desperate times call for desperate measures. No, I’m not talking about eating a bowl of cheerios followed by a bowl of Blue Menu Vanilla Frozen Yogurt. (Eat the pain away…) In other words, if you’re not only in the business of trying (but failing) to impress women but also attempting to feed yourself with cheap stuff found in the back of your freezer or in a box on shelf, then this story is for you!

Tonight was one of those nights. I had just returned from a long arduous work out down at the local gristle factory (do they even exist?) and all I had eaten were leftovers of cheese and crackers at work (the gristle factory?) I was famished! About three months ago I was at the Super C in Hull when I found a bag of nondescript fish fillets for 10$, no tax; they basically gave it to me. A whole bag of fish, freshly frozen, and ready to be opened at some point in the future for my fortuitous pleasure!  Not even sure what kind of fish- it says “POISSON” on it, which according to wikipedia means FISH… no matter.  Tonight I was desperate, hungry and looking to boost my intake of Omega 3 fatty acids!  Come to think of it, that sounds like every night.

With my “fish”, I made mashed potatoes, tossing in a bit of finely grated cheese to add that creamy texture we all love and enjoy on the tips of our tongues.   spruce it up a bit.  Who wants to just eat mashed potatoes?  The more difficult task came down to how to tackle the fish.  Sitting in front of my oven upon a stool purchased recently at the Great Glebe Garage Sale, I pondered the notion: Vanilla and Spice, could it be so nice?  Embracing the iambic pentameter, I vaulted for my cupboard to find a jar, a jar filled with a vanilla found only afar.  Bourbon Vanilla Paste to be exact- origin: Madagascar, packaged: Illinois. This stuff is like an addicts fix when it comes to baking- and tonight, for preparing fish. The paste is composed of vanilla bean seeds and gives such a potent punch that you require only a small amount- it’s ridiculously odoriferous!

In a saucepan over medium heat,  I added a dash of olive oil, salt, pepper, a local peach infused hot sauce and then a glob of vanilla.  Within seconds, the kitchen was filled with an aroma unmatched in centuries! Into the pan I tossed my “fish fillets” which instantly disintegrated into fine fillets- cheap shit.   No matter though, because it was only getting better!  I uncovered a bag of frozen veggies, knocked off the freezer burn, and added them up.  Becoming intoxicated by the aroma, I dashed a bit more of the vanilla into the golden hash of fish and veggies.  (No actual booze were consumed during the creation of this food.)

To serve, I tossed the vanilla n’ spice fish upon the mashed.  A bit of cayenne pepper for colour et voila!

Afterwards, I texted almost every number in my cell phone to see if anyone would respond- but to no avail.  It’s a good thing they created a Blue Menu… for those blue days.  (I’m looking at you Lauren )

Moral of the story- don’t be afraid to mix it up.  Vanilla and Spice is dope!  Who knows what might come out of the Legit Kitchen, or yours- tomorrow!

Ciao ciao!

PS- Food was created while listening to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”, on repeat.  Fact.

Journey – Don\’t Stop Believing

Kitchen Games Redux!

The other day, the adventures with Amanda were far from over once having finished lunch; after all, who eats only once a day!?  While we were grocery shopping that morning, we happened upon a package of little baby eggplants- the poor lil’ guys didn’t stand a chance against my superior hunting-gathering skills, not to mention my Visa.  From the moment I saw them, I knew what I wanted to do.  Having been inspired on numerous occasions, I finally had the will, the product and the reason to make something cool out of baby eggplants!  (The reason, clearly, was to cook for someone aside myself… Stop reading into our biographies!)  While Amanda went home for an auspicious mid afternoon nap, I retreated to my “special place” to think about what to concoct for dinner, exactly.

While in Jordan’s bed, in hit me- hard, ratatouille!  I would combine the loosely defined ratatouille with rice, form it and top it on a baby eggplant sliced in half that’s been grilled.  With bold spices already in the hold, I would top it off with some goat cheese!  The plan was set, but first I was called to the side of Madison, who ridiculed me for not cooking for her more often.  Only after making promises that I wouldn’t be able to keep (they’re our secrets mad dog!) I was released from her clutches, and returned home in time to meet with Amanda.   The preparation took a little while, because of all the fine chopping and dicing, but ultimately the product was worthwhile– with only one hitch!  On my way home, I picked up the wrong type of goat cheese!  Instead of getting unripened goat cheese, I accidentally picked up the ripened kind.  The horror.  I almost threw out the entire meal upon the realization of this catastrophic mistake- but soon came to the sobering conclusion that a) it wouldn’t be wise because we’re impoverished students and b) I’d have inadvertently placed myself in the awkward position of eating out of the garbage later that night. Whatever, I’m desperate.

Notwithstanding the slight of hand error on my part (I’ll admit I screw up a lot- see “Cucinare a solo!”) Between the presentation and the spice filled aroma that touched just the right part of the palette- the meal was voted a “relative success” by a count of 3 to 1.  The opposing vote was cast by Lauren, who wasn’t even there, but was so bitter she wasn’t invited she voted in order to “spite”.  Toochee Lauren, well played arch nemeses.

To put in in perspective, the meal was so good that Amanda promptly fell asleep afterwards.  The only other time anyone has EVER seen her nap was when she ate turkey that one time back home in 02′.   Yes, it was that ridiculous.

Grilled Eggplant with Rice’tatouille!

Step One:  halve the eggplants and hollow out a little bit of a bowl. Toss in olive oil, salt and pepper and a bit of balsamic vinegar.  Throw into the oven at 350F for about 30 minutes.

Step Two: the rice’tatouille! In a non stick saucepan over medium to high heat, add in this order (…)

• 1 wee dram of olive oil
• salt and pepper, to taste
• 2 shallots, minced
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 jalapeños pepper, minced
• 1/2 zucchini, quartered and diced
• 1/2 red pepper, diced
• 1/2 orange pepper, diced
• 5 white mushroom, halved and diced
• 1 tomato, diced
• 1 apple, sliced finely (skin on)
• juice from one lemon

Be sure to season your pan before add ingredients. This will ensure your dish is just that much more flavourful!

Step Three: This should actually be step 1.5, but start cooking the rice.  Follow the instructions in English, French or Spanish.   Once the rice is ready, (Step three!) and once the veggies are tender (aka ready), add the rice to the veggies.  Mix it up, ensuring the rice is permeated by those flavours!

Step Four: Plate!  Place the mini eggplant halves as though they were petals of a flower.  Take the rice’tatouille and shape it into a spoon and then gingerly set in atop the eggplant.    Top with goat cheese and then sprinkle some lemon zest.

Step Five: Nap.

Ciao!

Roasted Red Peppa ‘n Spinach Omelette

According to the good people at reference.com, “gourmet cook Julia Child once described an omelette as soft-cooked scrambled eggs wrapped in an envelope of firmly-cooked scrambled eggs.” That makes an omelette – the gold of all egg creations – sound pretty lame. I propose, as many would agree (Dave), that an omelette is a damn beautiful and multi-elemental thing.

I just made a great little omelet for the history books in about ten minutes using whatever I had on hand. The key to making a good omelette is that you need three things: good spatula; a good oil; and a good no-stick pan.

But before you worry about the tools, think about the ingredients. Be creative. First, lets start with eggs. For a personal serving, use two or three eggs with the yolks in. You’ll get more flavour that way. Crack em open and place in a cereal bowl or something a little larger. Once you’ve done that things getting a little interesting. The staple of any omelette is some sort of veggie. I highly suggest using finely chopping the vegs and toss them in with the eggs. In my case, I coarsely diced spinach and tossed it into the egg. While I was as at it, I also diced some roasted red peppers (you can use pretty much any other veggie so long as it’s got taste!) and kept them aside – you’ll see why. Next, add some flavour in there. Use a good amount of salt and pepper, a little garlic, some dried herbs and even some icing sugar if you have some. The icing sugar makes it, it’s weird but it works! If you have any ‘hard’ cheese (like parm), add a little of that too! If you’re feeling crazy, add in some mustard seed or turmeric. Dump in a little milk and whisk everything up with a fork. It’ll be kinda green uncooked and really ripen with a little heat.

At the same time, warm a small non-stick frying pan lined with a glaze of olive oil on medium heat. By glaze I mean use a good amount of oil so that the pan is neither dry nor basting in oil and make sure it’s covered evenly! I like to use extra-virgin olive oil for taste and health factors. Once ready, dump the mix into the pan filling the pan’s entire diameter. Here, I suggest using a spatula to poke and prod at the cooking omelette. Keep a good eye on her – occasionally jam your spatula into the egg opening up the bottom shell. This will allow some of the excess liquid on top to be cooked off.

After a couple minutes, the bottom of the omelette will be cooked nicely – so that it’s neither sopping nor crisp. At this point, carefully use to the spatula to loosen it all around. Then, on half of the circular omelette, add on the roasted red peppers near the edge. When ready, elevate the non-roasted red peppers side and fold it over the other half. A helpful hint here is to lift the pan off of the stove a little so that you can get the right angle with the spatula. Take it slow and be gentle – eggs are fragile.

Turn down the heat to minimum and leave it on the stove for another couple of minutes. This will allow it to cook through and to head the newly placed veggies inside. Personally, I like my veggies with some crunch, they taste better and have more nutritional value that way. By this point, your omelette will have a little gold colour on the bottom – the sign that it’s all done and sufficiently cooked through. Remove from the stove and serve directly onto a plate. Garnish with a little pepper, lemon zest, or whatever you’ve got handy.

And that, my friends, is omelette 101 with yours truly.

To clarify quantities and measurements:
- 3 eggs
- 1/3 roasted red pepper (from a can, it’s easier that way)
- handful of spinach
- some dry herbs (rosemary and basil are perfect!) (1 tbsp)
- a touch of yogourt or milk (2 tbsp)
- a pinch of icing sugar (1 tsp)
- a little bit of garlic (1/4 clove)
- salt and pepper
- olive oil

As a hilarious endnote, the worlds largest omelette to date was made by the Brockville Lung Society in 2002 – Ontario represent! It weighed 2.95 TONS and looked like this:

Have a good one!

Jordan

Some kitchen Shinanigans 101

Ever feel like a hearty lunch? Today, being my first day off since finding myself employed in nearly months, or is it years? Wait, two weeks- I felt like lounging around and not doing anything stressful. Dragging myself into the kitchen, I found the shelves of the fridge barren and empty. My stomach, echoing what I had just discovered in the fridge, nudged me into recognizing that I would indeed have to get work done today, that is namely to feed myself. Whipping up a list of groceries I was soon off to the races, picking up the sempre bellazza Amanda who was also in dire need of sustenance. Navigating our way through the enclave of Vanier, we arrived at our destination: large unnamed grocery store with yellow letters! (Not sure if we’d be sued over this, so better we play it safe.)  Why head over to Vanier, almost all of you may enquire?  As with any student, I had stumbled upon gift certificates on my birthday but had placed them in a “safe” spot- only rediscovering them today.  And so, we entered into the cave of the cyclops…

Not unlike the ‘real’ cave of the cyclops, this place was abuzz with families foraging for their meals in the weeks (and judging by the trailers on the rear of the carts filled with frozen enchiladas) maybe months to come.  Navigating our way through the congested aisles would only have been easier if we had a plough on front end, with soft bumpers everywhere else.  On numerous occasions, Amanda was able to slide through oncoming carts (think Tom Cruise in Days of Thunder wiggling his way through the pack and into the lead!) while I was confined to slogging my way in the rear- staring at boxes upon boxes of enchiladas.  At one point, I swear a kid came up to me and called me daddy by mistake.  Is 22 really that old these days?

After packing up the groceries in the back of the hummer in a prius shell, Amanda coerced me into making her lunch.  Clearly, she hadn’t picked up enough food herself- and I guess I love to cook for women.  Grilled cheese sandwiches were on order, with a side of tomato soup- hearty student style!  Here’s what we did>

Grilled Cheese-

• 1/2 cup of grated cheese (we used Fruilano and a Mild Cheddar mix.)
• 1 tbsp unsalted butter (at 22, we can always take care of our sodium intake!)
• 4 slices bread (cracked whole wheat seemed to do the trick, see above health related comment.)

Cracked out Tomato Soup-

• can of soup
• 1/2 cup of milk
• smidgen of cream
• a dash of your favourite hot sauce
• crack some cracked pepper
• shredded cheese
• a whisk

Now you might think I just got off the short bus for breaking down the construction of a grilled cheese sandwich and soup, but before you castrate me for my insouciance, give this a look-see.  A lot of traditionalist out there tend to just use cheese slices, texas toast and a slab of butter.  Lambaste me as untraditional, but I found a round of Fruilano cheese today for 10$ and went nuts.  This mild tasting cheese from the Friuli region of Italy has soft undertones and a milk fat content that lends it to melting into a molten mound of stringiness perfectly suited to grilled cheese. By grating the cheese instead of slicing, we ensured that the cheese would melt more consistently throughout the sandwich.  And finally, by tossing in some mild cheddar, not only did we give it a bit of zip but we gave it a cool look when we sliced it in half.  Not all food has to be art, but it helps when something looks cool before you eat it.

As for the soup, while it’s cooking, feel free to throw something in there- unless you really love that fresh out of the can flavour- then dare not!  But reality being as it is, a lot of our foods come from cans- but it doesn’t necessarily mean that we cannot change once it leaves its cylinder little abode. Today we wanted a bit of spice, so we tossed in some hot sauce and pepper.  We could just have easily thrown in a leg of lamb if we wanted to, or toss in fresh veggies just to mix it up, or what about some curry?  A culinary critic might crucify you, but who cares- this food is for you.  Do what you feel is right and 9 times out of ten (or for me, 7/10 is my personal best,) you might make something that tastes wicked awesome!

Therefore, as it takes a few minutes to cook, take the time and experiment.  Not to wax philosophical, but too often we accept what’s given to us without realizing how much power rests within our hands- and sometimes, nowhere is this subtle apathy more strident than in students.  Let’s regain control of our food and make it our own.  Let’s have fun it and remember the time as kids that we mixed all the food on our plates into some weird jambalaya and it tasted phenomenal.  We lead horribly busy lives in each our own right, but take the natural time it takes to cook some things and prod, add and dash it up a bit!

The product today was a refreshing bowl of soup, a grilled cheese sandwich worth writing an exam just to enjoy, and the simple joy of creating it all for yourself and maybe someone close to you.

It’s legit.

Another story from the Legit Kitchen- an oldie!

This story might come from off the shelf, but only because it took place so recently and was so excruciatingly fun will it be included here! As well, there might be a fairly legitimate recipe to be had- but enough introduction and let the tale begin!

It was a dark and stormy night about three weeks ago (it was actually really sunny, and quite hot in the Legit Kitchen) when it was proposed that a lasagna be made.  A bit of history first, though: four years ago I made my first homemade lasagna from scratch- it was for a girl I was seeing at the time and I knew that it was a make or break time in the relationship. Yes, I was looking to offer her my ‘relationship status’ on facebook- and maybe even get a peck on the cheek from her. (The early 2000s were always so innocent- think: B44) Since that day, I’ve offered my lasagna to numerous women in the hopes of finding ‘the one’, but have wound up only being deceived by the women after finding out they wanted only a piece of my lasagna and nothing else! Feeling like the Trix Rabbit, I’ve had to outwit my opposite sex opponents and withhold my lasagna for truly unique occasions- like Wednesdays, Sundays, or when enough people ask for it at once. The occasion was ripe for a lasagna- that dark and stormy night…

And so the next day, having to work most of it away (mind you I’m not readily sure if I had a job three weeks ago, true, I may have napped most of the day away-) Jordan and I found ourselves hurried and shopping for ingredients at 5pm. We had three hours to construct a masterpiece upon a solemn plate. Both Jordan and I were exhausted after a whirlwind week of moving but nevertheless found in ourselves the passion to provide a glorious looking (and tasting) meal for our friends. Whipping up and down the aisles, we gathered a cornucopia of fresh vegetables that would soon be formed into our special vegetarian lasagna.

Around about two hours and forty-five minutes later, chopping and dicing our way through the heaps of freshness before us, we began to assemble the masterpiece.  As with any fine tale, we were at wit’s end- both mentally and physically- but alas, we triumphed over adversity and sent the lasagna into the depths of the oven, on time.  Soon our friends filled the foyer, tossing coats, purses and bottles of wine in every direction of the dial: Dionysus would have been proud.  Whilst I was assembling the lasagna, Jordan became inspired by the remnants of our fridge and produced a magnificent delight of the senses in a one bite appetizer.  A potluck of frugal goodness ensued, as our friends assembled their contributions and readied them for our eager consumption.

By the time the lasagna burst forth from the oven, the libations had given way to a ravished hunger.  Jordan, the insatiable vegetarian, wolfed down his slice of lasagna between almost quixotic outbursts of ecstasy- almost to the discomfort of our dearest friends.  Continuing upon our steady descent into the lurid Ottawa nightlife, more bottles of wine began popping off the shelf.  Then came pie, ice cream and maple sugar- the one-two punch combo ensuring we were down for good!  Almost unable to bring ourselves to our feet, we settled upon heading down to our favourite Ottawa haunt- Mingles.  Trudging along in fine formation, replete with the knowledge that our stomachs were full of wholesome goodness, we encountered our dear friend Lauren- who having missed out on the night at hand, offered us all she could- a gigantic bottle of wine. (For the record, we would have accepted an apology pro bono, but she insisted, and wanted to come to the bar with us.  We could do nothing but agree with her, and drink her wine on the way.)  As with all the young kids these days, we “got low” and made “love in the club” while “flashing lights” made us all “superstars”.  Unfortunately to my chagrin, no Wu Tang was played that night.

And with great fanfare, here is the recipe for “Dave’s Lasagna”

Dave’s Lasagna

{CENSORED}

Ooops, looks like Big Brother got to it first.

Might as well just come over next time I make it-

Ciao!

What goes with what?

Here and there, we all have no bloody idea what goes with what in a dish. What flavors work with curried apple or mint yogurt? Or even braised chicken or avocados? What will taste like garbage or gold?

Lucky for us, there’s this really cool website called Food Pairing that creates family trees for foods, herbs and spices – identifying what jives with what. For instance, lets look at their tree for rhubarb:

See, I had no freaking idea that fish would work with rhubarb or blue for that matter (blue cheese, I think?). Thanks, Food Pairing.

Use it, love it!

Jordan

A journey into the Market

Today was a culinary journey into the heart of our collective paths- that is for Laurence (the daughter of a well-renown chef from Vermont) and I (see bio), who decided to combine our efforts and come up with something fun, nourishing and beautifully put together. Aesthetics aside, we were ultimately down to feed our incensed hunger- plain and simple!

After a long day of doin’ work, we met up and wandered into the Byward Market on the hunt for the perfect meal ideas. The stalls and their tenders’ had clearly had long day, weathered by the on and off rain that stalked the city that day; but the racks still lay replete with fresh fruit, veggies and dazzlingly unique array treasures. We poked and prodded our way through the foliage filled food bins before us, empty bags ready to be filled steadied our hands while our minds danced at the potential that lay before us.

Indecision confronted us at every turn- and with so many options we needed to focus, and fast! We set out a time limit of 30 minutes, and after a short while it was clear we were going to be put to the test! Not to mention, the market was only hair away from closing for the day. From stall to stall we wandered into the fish monger, where while gazing at scallops Laurence envisioned a mango puree being concocted. But what to serve on the side, we asked- gazing into each others eyes- questions we couldn’t answer ourselves. A decision had been made earlier to serve baby potatoes, gently sliced open so as to create a small mouth- baked and served with a slice of herb brie that would quickly melt.

A stop over at the local meat emporium confirmed our utmost fears- we were doomed to revert to our traditional ways and find our dish in the sausages that lay before us! Upon settling our eyes upon the Merguez sausage- a favourite of Laurence’s, we knew what the focus of the meal would be. With only minutes to go before our artificial time limit elapsed, we struck gold– Risotto alla Milanese would accompany the merguez, along with shaved asparagus spears. After much laughter, some awkward moments at a cashier and a stop over at my new place of employment- we rushed, but not before stopping by the LCBO to pick up a bottle of wine, ye!

Upon returning to the Legit Kitchen, Laurence and I set upon our feast:

Boca Potatoes

• 8 baby potatoes
• Olive oil
• a small hunk of Brie
• a sprinkle of pepper
• an oven (empty it before you start’er up- plastic melts)

Slice the potatoes , about half way through; and then score across the cut. This will allow it break into a more tender mouthful once cooked. Toss in olive oil, not too much not too little. Throw it on a tray and bake, either side up, at 325F for about 15 minutes or so- maybe 20- until golden brown. Take them out of the oven and stuff with slices of Brie. Careful, they be hot! Use a towel to protect yourself. Once cooled down a bit, season with pepper and serve with a nice glass of wine- perhaps a pinot grigio?

Safety is always first in the Legit Kitchen.

Risotto alla Milanese

• 1 cup Arborio rice
• 3 cups chicken stock (or vegetable stock)
• 1 cup of wine (or a lil’ more thats cool too)
• 1/6 spanish onion, finely chopped
• olive oil
• salt and peppa to taste
• 1 cup of parmigiana, grated
• pinch of saffron
• a nice pot- 2qt capacity. So not too large.

Step one, toss olive oil, onion and salt peppa into pot, cook over medium heat’ish til golden. Add rice and let those flavours unite into one glorious mound of rice n’ everything nice! Once you smell smoke or notice it’s sticking to the bottom, add enough stock to cover the rice. reduce heat and stir with a wooden spoon. You must use a wooden spoon- I don’t know why but wikipedia might. Once absorbed, add more stock. This is a steady process, but you’ll have to add it until the rice is at a smooth texture, almost velvety and rich with the flavours you’ve tossed in there.

This is where I kind of mixed it up. So apparently if you don’t want to be eating your food and tasting a light wine flavour in the background- toss the wine in first before the broth, cook it off- and then add the stock. What I did, though, was add the wine afterwards– while it was cooking. The result was delectable and once the parmigiana and saffron was added, the wine taste relaxed itself- though still leaving a certain je ne sais quoi whilst you enjoyed it. Adding it and cooking it off before will give the undertones, but eliminate the alcohol content. What I did ensured that alcohol permeated every mouthful- as student, you be the judge.

Once done- serve!

Asparagus spears

• Asparagus, prepped
• lemon
• olive oil
• salt and peppe

Toss all that together, cook until tender and serve! Wazzam!

While cooking, chat, drink the wine you aren’t using and enjoy the company. Discuss your hobbies, your passions and perhaps even the days events. Remember to debate in a lively manner and always be courteous, but stern in any renunciations of regimes in far away lands. Lastly, smile.

To serve this all together-

Small heap of risotto on a clean (maybe warm if this was a restaurant) plate, top with your two small merguez sausages, angle them to make them look “nice”- like logs sitting playfully upon one and other- then top with spears, leaning casually. Make it look sweet, but not too intense! Remember, this is the Legit Kitchen after all! Sprinkle with a bit of cayenne pepper for colour, or if you’re rolling in saffron, a bit of that.
Buon Apetito !