Cucinare a solo!

We’ve all faced the situation where we actually cook alone from time to time. I know, it’s hard to believe that even happens to me, clearly with all the women in my life. But when that far off occasion warrants a visit, desperate times call for desperate measures. No, I’m not talking about eating a bowl of cheerios followed by a bowl of Blue Menu Vanilla Frozen Yogurt. (Eat the pain away…) In other words, if you’re not only in the business of trying (but failing) to impress women but also attempting to feed yourself with cheap stuff found in the back of your freezer or in a box on shelf, then this story is for you!

Tonight was one of those nights. I had just returned from a long arduous work out down at the local gristle factory (do they even exist?) and all I had eaten were leftovers of cheese and crackers at work (the gristle factory?) I was famished! About three months ago I was at the Super C in Hull when I found a bag of nondescript fish fillets for 10$, no tax; they basically gave it to me. A whole bag of fish, freshly frozen, and ready to be opened at some point in the future for my fortuitous pleasure!  Not even sure what kind of fish- it says “POISSON” on it, which according to wikipedia means FISH… no matter.  Tonight I was desperate, hungry and looking to boost my intake of Omega 3 fatty acids!  Come to think of it, that sounds like every night.

With my “fish”, I made mashed potatoes, tossing in a bit of finely grated cheese to add that creamy texture we all love and enjoy on the tips of our tongues.   spruce it up a bit.  Who wants to just eat mashed potatoes?  The more difficult task came down to how to tackle the fish.  Sitting in front of my oven upon a stool purchased recently at the Great Glebe Garage Sale, I pondered the notion: Vanilla and Spice, could it be so nice?  Embracing the iambic pentameter, I vaulted for my cupboard to find a jar, a jar filled with a vanilla found only afar.  Bourbon Vanilla Paste to be exact- origin: Madagascar, packaged: Illinois. This stuff is like an addicts fix when it comes to baking- and tonight, for preparing fish. The paste is composed of vanilla bean seeds and gives such a potent punch that you require only a small amount- it’s ridiculously odoriferous!

In a saucepan over medium heat,  I added a dash of olive oil, salt, pepper, a local peach infused hot sauce and then a glob of vanilla.  Within seconds, the kitchen was filled with an aroma unmatched in centuries! Into the pan I tossed my “fish fillets” which instantly disintegrated into fine fillets- cheap shit.   No matter though, because it was only getting better!  I uncovered a bag of frozen veggies, knocked off the freezer burn, and added them up.  Becoming intoxicated by the aroma, I dashed a bit more of the vanilla into the golden hash of fish and veggies.  (No actual booze were consumed during the creation of this food.)

To serve, I tossed the vanilla n’ spice fish upon the mashed.  A bit of cayenne pepper for colour et voila!

Afterwards, I texted almost every number in my cell phone to see if anyone would respond- but to no avail.  It’s a good thing they created a Blue Menu… for those blue days.  (I’m looking at you Lauren )

Moral of the story- don’t be afraid to mix it up.  Vanilla and Spice is dope!  Who knows what might come out of the Legit Kitchen, or yours- tomorrow!

Ciao ciao!

PS- Food was created while listening to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”, on repeat.  Fact.

Journey – Don\’t Stop Believing